"White Privilege"
- Dawson
- Jan 19, 2018
- 6 min read
There are supposedly four types of learners in this world... I know this isn't going to sound very interesting at first, but bear with me here...
The first one... is the visual learner... You see something in a slideshow, or a graph, chart, anything that resembles being able to look at something, and retain it... this may be you... However, this is not me...
The second one... is the auditory learner... these people can hear things, and retain them better than any other method... sort of like photographic memory, but with your ears... again... this may be you... but not me.
The third one... is reading and writing... people will write down notes on the things they observe, and then go over the notes however many times they seem necessary to understand what they have written... This may be you... but it's not me...
The fourth and final learning type in the world... is kinesthetic... this is basically doing any of the actions requiring you to do ANYTHING. Cooking, cleaning, fixing something, etc. This... is how I learn things...
Honestly, this has been a major setback in my life... You see, to me... White Privilege isn't anything but an excuse for people to rag on the whites for "having everything". Well, let me tell you some interesting shit about my life.
I did not "have everything" growing up. I didn't get the first phone I wanted; I didn't get the perfect friend group; I didn't even become really good at something. I have basically coasted off of my parent's "expectations" that I was going to 1. Go to college 2. Become a doctor or some shit 3. Change the world somehow, or 4. Become a low life piece of shit.
Now, it is all up to you what you would like to call me, but I would definitely not consider myself any of these things. I have fantastic manners, I am polite to just about everyone who isn't a total cunt, and am humble just about as much as the world can offer... but I definitely do NOT have a "white privilege" (by the way, I have misspelled that about seven times already).
Allow me to explain...
Growing up, I had a lot of pressure put on me for an unknown reason. When I was in the fourth grade, I was playing tackle football for my first season. It was fun! I was pretty good at it (as were most of my friends), I didn't get the ball very much, but when I did it was normally for a pretty big gain, and I was known for being one of the fastest kids in my grade. However, it is still my choice if I ever wanted to play... not my parent's.
One day, in the August heat of Dallas, Texas; I was playing wide receiver, cornerback, and special teams kick return/kick off. It was at least 95 degrees outside, and I had very little time to get water in between breaks. I was literally going to pass out due to heat exhaustion by halftime. After the final play of the first half, I walked up to my coach. I told him that I was nauseous and that I was going to sit out for the second half because of my fatigue. I felt like I was going to be sick, and didn't want to play.
After this, he went over to my parents and told them the news and my parents came over to talk to me. Long story short, I told them I wasn't going to play in the second half, and my mom basically told me that if I didn't play I was going to be grounded. I was ASTOUNDED at this. I mean, it's my choice anyways right?! I thought she was bluffing. I shit you not, we went home after that second half, and I was grounded TO MY ROOM for a month as a ten-year-old.
Now, most of you who read this will be like... oh that's not so bad... Believe me, it was. The only time I got to come out of my room was for school, or to shit. And that went on for at least 3 weeks. The entire time I was just sitting there going... why am I being grounded for doing something to the best of my ability, and getting exhausted from it? I'm not getting a heat stroke for my parent's sake. They EXPECTED ME to be a star athlete and I guess I failed them...
Fast forward to another favorite story of mine that is astoundingly awkward... My parents believed that I was going to go to college and become something amazing through the natural "white cycle" as I would like to call it. Basically, you play a sport or get good at an instrument, and then you go off to college to study it, and then you become something. Well, throughout junior high and high school, I had a lot of trouble learning off of slideshows (plus I didn't really give enough of a shit), and my grades shrunk. Plus with my stutter, it's sort of hard to go and try out for drama or acting, so I was stuck in between a rock and a hard place.
Anyways, throughout junior high and high school, I did a lot of volunteering because it was... "good for your college applications" which I could literally give a shit about. So, this one day, I was supposed to go and volunteer at this stupid ass food drive or something, where literally I would spend an hour or two with a bunch of guys that I faked into being my friend once every week or two, and would have to do a bunch of shit I didn't want to for no reason.
I had a friend over at my house at that time, and things got... pretty bad. My mom was basically trying to get me to go to this volunteering event, and I told her I wasn't going. She got pissed and was literally about to drag me into the car to go. Keep in mind, at this time I am six feet one hundred seventy pounds of muscle.... and my mom is about five six one hundred pounds. You can see how this isn't going to go well... ALL WITH A FRIEND OF MINE IN MY HOME.
My mom was also a very physical woman, and her favorite things to do were to throw things at me, and grab my hair and pull me. So she tried to pull this shit on me when I was REALLY not in the mood and I threw her to the ground right in front of a friend. She started crying, kicked my friend out of the house, and then grounded me for two weeks...
Now... I don't care what you think, but I feel like that's SUPER fucked up. Again, why should I have to go do something that I DON'T WANT TO DO to apply for college when I really DIDN'T WANT TO GO?! I believe college is a great way to go in your life if you believe that you can learn the way they teach (slideshows, lectures, etc). HOWEVER, I cannot learn this way.
99% of you who read this don't know that I am an avid lover of video games. I spend a lot of time on them simply because they make me less depressed. I didn't spend any time playing video games my last semester of college that I attempted because I really wanted to see what would happen if I didn't... I came out on the bottom of the spectrum with a C average, and failing one class...
Do I see this as something wrong with me? HELL NO. I see this as something wrong with the system. Not being able to accommodate for every different type of person in this world. But then again, it's not like my voice alone is going to change shit. You know, the whole democracy thing...
I am going to say something a bit embarrassing here... But I got rejected from Wal-Mart the other day because I wasn't "competitive enough"... I literally was in a rage most of yesterday, because WALMART... the ONE PLACE that hires a SHITLOAD OF PEOPLE said that I wasn't competitive enough... With my... "White Privilege" I was totally able to get a job at one of the biggest chains in the world... I also couldn't get one at Disney, or Universal...
My point is... there was a big expectation set for me by my parents that I can't achieve. I don't feel that I have let them down because my expectation of success for myself is changing the world or someone's thoughts on something somehow. Or helping someone. I don't see the world through a big diploma and a robe. I see it through your heart, mind, and soul... I think it's about time we all do too...
Before it all ends...
-Dawson
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