Living With Chronic Pain
- Zane Houser
- Jan 13, 2017
- 6 min read
Chronic pain: any pain that lasts 12 weeks to a year or more. Chronic pain is a condition that, according to the American Academy of Pain Medicine, afflicts 100 million american's* or 1 out of every 10 adults. Chronic pain is caused by many condition's that are a result of a initial trauma/injury, infection or a continual cause of pain.
Arthritis is perhaps the most well known chronic pain illness which is also referred to as an auto-immune disease, where the body attacks and damages its own tissues. Fibromyalgia, a name we can all recognize, is also a chronic pain illness that affects muscles and soft tissues. That is just a very brief synopsis of what diseases can cause chronic pain. Spinal trauma and other skin conditions are also major contributors to the illness. However, I did not want this to be an article about what chronic pain illness is, more of what its like living with chronic pain.
Being a young and strong 19 year old I was living the life most 19 year olds live.... working long hard days, partying all night and waking up to do it all over again. But that all ended for me when I got into a rear end collision. For awhile there was no noticeable pain other than some weakness and tenderness in the spine, which evolved the more I worked. I was painting the ceiling of an experimental Publix in Mobile Alabama not too long after the collision, when all of a sudden, pain shot through my body and it became incredibly unbearable to stand. Luckily the job was already finished, just as my back was; I could no longer do the trade I had been apprenticing in for 5 years. I fell off the wagon, lost everything I had gained with my independence. I became consumed with depression, which is also a bonus illness that often coincides with chronic pain. So on top of the physical pain many millions of people have to endure, is the mental and emotional anguish that is caused from the ceaseless pain. I went from being tall blond and strong to feeling like a helpless old man at the tender age of 19, simple tasks became heinous and unbearable. I tried going to school but the bus rides and constant sitting caused great agony to the point where I mentally broke down, quit and contemplated what I could possibly do next. Obviously, being far too proud I could not submit to being "disabled" so naturally I looked for a job and I found one, doing dishes.
Now the only way it was physically and mentally possible for me to do this 10$ an hour job was if I was medicated by some form of pain reliever. But as the Oxycodone epidemic was coming to an end in Florida many laws were passed to "prevent" people from getting stronger medications than Aspirin or Tramadol, so naturally, I turned to the next cheapest and easiest thing to get, heroin. I am not proud of this moment in life, (which I would consider this phase in my life as an attempt to live in denial of my condition.) I was working to support a habit that helped me work, I was and still am, a complete and utter mess at the hands of my circumstances and this is a reality for 100 million Americans. We try everything and anything short of selling our soul to be as mobile, independent and as free spirited as others. In every way shape and form we try to avoid pain as best as we can. Whether or not that means not doing the dishes, not reaching for your own glass out of the cupboard or just avoiding getting out of bed for that day or sadly, committing suicide. For many people there is no possible cure other than to accept that the pain is there, to live with it as best as possible and to remain as bright and optimistic to the extent that allows one to continue to find strength in mind, when there is none in body.
The picture below is a ceramic sculpture created by Marina Dejanovic that she submitted for a class. She has severe spinal stenosis and scoliosis; It is her representation of how her spine feels
I asked her for her perspective on chronic pain illness and she was very reluctant to answer, she hates thinking about it, but I managed to get something out of her. She replied: "It's hell, I wake up every day, scared to get out of bed. First thing, going to the bathroom, it’s a challenge. So the rest of the day......is a living hell, it’s a shitty life. I can't over do it because I'm dying in pain. I need to plan days ahead but its hard to make plans because I don't know how bad my pain will be, it’s painful to do house jobs, bending down... things like that".
I strongly hope to raise awareness about this hidden condition that causes so much suffering and hopelessness for many individuals, who without this illness, would be outstanding contributors to humanity. Below I have included some quotes from a couple of Facebook pages called "spinal stenosis sufferers united" and "chronic pain", I asked about their perspective of living with chronic pain illness. Zelda Underwood- " Your life, your identity, your existence , is rewired without your permission" This comment from Barbara Malacara particularly moved me because she exposes a good part of what causes a lot of the emotional distress many feel with just the first word; "Misunderstood.....I'm not lazy, I have excruciating pain. I want to work and live an active life but I cant seem to be able to rid my body of pain. Waking up each morning is a blessing but I know the pain is just crouching around the corner waiting to attack my bones, my body, my mind. No I am not lazy, I want to walk, run, work, shop, socialize but pain suppresses my ability to do any of those. I'm not mad. I'm not antisocial. I'm not in a bad mood. I hurt...hurt deep down to the bone. Physical pain becomes mental pain. Wishing time to stop, wishing this progressive pain could be halted. Please God, just one pain free day is what I ask for. Tears." Being a spiritual man and having to debate the thought of suicide endlessly I absolutely had to include this woman's words. "I was raised Catholic and believe that suicide is a mortal sin, but when my nerve pain was getting out of control, it had me going to a dark place knowing that I couldn't live with the pain. Thank God for pain meds. I have great concern for people in chronic pain losing their pain meds due to new laws, and fearful practitioners."-Susan Steinert
lastly, I would like to conclude this article with words from another woman, she brings transparency to how the majority of people with this illness are treated by the medical world and how desperately we need recognition and help from those in the field of medicinal practice. I would also like to state that the majority of people with chronic pain illnesses are women, most of them mothers.
"I've been living with chronic pain since I was 22 years old. They diagnosed me with Fybromyalgia at the age of 28. A lot of doctors and people did not believe I was in this kind of pain. Several doctors would tell me I'm only seeking pain pills. I had to see a pain doctor because I could only function on pain pills. These doctors pricked and poked me for years. As I got older I started to have other problems like severe spinal stenosis along with arthritis and osteoarthritis in the knees. I am still on pain meds and haven't had any addiction other then I cannot do anything without some relief of the meds. I recently found out its time to do surgery. The pain has gotten so bad that I don't leave the house much or do what I used to do when I wasn't in this much pain. Everything has changed for me. I've gained weight because I cannot exercise, walk or do anything for too long. I have bad days and good days, but most of the time I hate myself. It hurts to live, but I have to for my children." Stacey Semanczyk "These doctors pricked and poked me for years"
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