a dream in which i devise a twisted plan to spread happiness throughout the world
- Dandy Everglade
- Jan 6, 2017
- 2 min read
It’s to my understanding that clowns serve as an endless source of joy and laughter. That's why, deep down in my spacious underground laboratory, millions upon millions of them are being kept against their will for the sake of harnessing the essence of their laughter— their farts, more widely recognized in the dentistry profession as laughing gas.
all clowns in captivity are screened and chosen based on their capacity of producing genuine happiness in others. the purer the happiness, the purer the fart. Under the impression of an audition, each clown performs in a room of five to ten children. Unbeknownst to the clowns, these children are hooked to machines designed to detect their units of laughter in gigglebytes. My research has indicated that clowns with a capacity to produce at least 300 gigglebytes have a high yield of pure euphoric chemical agents in their farts. Hundreds of clowns at a time, force fed laxatives and milk and pizza to those lactose intolerant, will be clamped to a wall with a tube fastened to their anuses collecting gas as it’s discharged into a giant vat until they’re robbed of all their joy and happiness, reduced to nothing more than painted bitter husks of grief.
I’ll spread the gas via chem-trails throughout each continent by way of military grade jet planes. Over an x period of time there will be a slight increase in world happiness-- bit by bit-- so as not overwhelm the world population on the raw gaiety yet to be experienced by mankind. By establishing a functioning breeding system among the clowns, i’ll be able to keep a steady supply of gas to convert it as a clean, proficient alternative energy source. Like a dream lost in the silent history of childhood, the days of hate, grief, and sadness will be like a myth lost within the collective human subconscious.
Their suffering will give way to an era of happiness the world has never known. And the people of earth will know nothing of the atrocious lengths I went through to bring about this golden eon of thoughtless elation, much in the same way we hardly stop to consider the depths of those that suffer in silence everyday for the guiltless pleasures we take for granted. They’d have served a purpose to the greater good of their race, suffering for the world as unwilling marauders for the pain we’ll never again experience.
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